Making Some Space for You This Christmas

I know this is not everyone's experience, but Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year. I love decorating the tree with my family, watching cheesy Christmas movies, and trying to reconnect with the nostalgia and magic of my early-childhood Christmas-morning-excitement (even though I am rarely successful). For me, it's a reminder of what simple joy and kindness can feel like.

And it's also a painful time of the year. I miss and feel sad about my loss of several people who were very, very important and loving to me. And who I loved deeply. I feel sad, too, about my loss of relationship with loved ones who are still alive, but who are not so much a part of my life anymore.

It's also an expensive time of the year, no matter how hard we all try to reduce how many gifts we buy and how many functions we host or attend. The stress of this can be difficult to manage and can lead to anger leaking out onto other people, or ourselves.

For many, it is a very lonely time of the year, and a time that might highlight a lack of satisfying connection and relationship.

For others, Christmas can be a time of tension, dread or fear, depending on what has happened for them in the past at this time of year, or on who they will be spending the day with.

And for many (adults, anyway) it's a very tiring and stressful time of the year. So much to do, so little time. So many expectations. And, quite possibly, so much masking.

There are lots more emotions that are commonly felt: resentment, envy, sorrow, regret, guilt, fear. Also, hopefully, happiness, joy and fun.

For people who don't celebrate Christmas, this is just another month, at the end of a year that may have whizzed by so quickly. If this resembles your circumstances, there will still be lots of emotions showing up, regardless.

Whatever feelings show up for you in the lead up to, during, and then after Christmas, they will be normal, even common.

 As a country, we are learning, for the first time in our history I am guessing, about how to feel our feelings and not be scared by them. This revolution is being led by our little ones, our 3 or 4- or 5-year-olds who are being taught in day care or at school how to feel, identify and talk about their emotions. Maybe you've seen a reel or two about these trailblazing (emotional) Jedi masters. Maybe you have a real-life one in your own family.

While you are not expected to be at their level (yet), we can all take a leaf out of their books. Identifying that we are having an emotion and, if we can, naming it for ourself, goes a long way to experiencing some relief or distance from it.

Maybe just enough so that we are not engulfed by it.

Naming our emotion (even if it's not completely accurate) calms down the emotional region of our brain so it doesn't have to feel scared or worried about how we are feeling. It gives it a reason for how we feel.

Simply taking this one step can feel scary, weird or uncomfortable. Until it starts to feel more familiar (that's going to take practice!)

There are more steps than that that we can learn but perhaps not now. Not when our brains are so full and our energy tanks are nearly completely empty.

What never goes astray, though, at this time of the year, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, is

1. creating some space - in your schedule, in your physical environment, in your auditory or visual environment, 
2. closing your eyes,
3. taking some deep breaths (even though you will NOT want to),
4. then, for 30 minutes or more, doing something that doesn't have a sensible or practical outcome. Colour in, swing on a swing, play with the dog, lie under a tree and look at the leaves, fill a colander with water in your kitchen sink over and over again and have good, old-fashioned 4-year-old fun (set a timer if you think you will lose track of time),
5. repeat daily (for the rest of your life, ideally). 

And then, if you can, observe what happens to the flow of your emotions in the hours that follow. Maybe there is more space for contentment or peace, and maybe there is a little more patience or pleasure. Maybe the anger lessens, or the fear loosens a little.

 In this part of the year, when time feels so limited and the list of tasks can seem insurmountable, it is even more helpful to step back, slow down, simplify things for ourselves and reconnect to what it feels like to be human. You most definitely won't believe you have time to do this, but I strongly encourage you to sacrifice something else, if at all possible, so you can.

Photo sourced from Unsplash